When you are in thirst for love, even if you think you are not worth of it or it seems like a faraway thought, you settle for the scraps that is being showered done others.
I have accepted the fact that love doesn't settle right with me. In other words I would never be loved by another being in the romantic sense. It's not a form of dampening oneself or some form of self-depreciation but rather a fact. Even though, I can't help but still wished I do.
That comes than to my hypothesis or my thinking that if ever I do have someone that I would be in a relationship with, I will not hold the bars. I will not let him be trapped within me and let him be in an open relationship. In which case, I will let him be free to find a lover aside from me.
As long as he still choose to stay would me, I think I could deal with even how many he would cater in any forms of relationship. This is not any form of martyrdom even if that's what people would see in this cases. Neither is it any form of strong trust that would say that I know he would still comeback and choose.
Rather, it is an appreciation that somehow, someone did wanted to be with me which is already a big thing as it is truly hard to handle me. I know because even I couldn't handle myself for the fear of losing control and ending up with insanity.
Should I just downright say that I want my lover to be a god, or more specific, Apollo, the god of medicine, music and poetry. Someone who obviously cannot be contained and is known to be a free spirit and hosts a lot of lovers.
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